Only Obsession. No Obligation. Hence I Write.

Vox Clamantis in Deserto

2009-05-20T15:12:00.000-07:00

“Criticizing others is a dangerous thing, not so much because you may make mistakes about them, but because you may be revealing the truth about yourself.”

This column should not have been written here if it were not for you, venerated fellow students, who have beleaguered my irascible senses. The following day after the distribution of the last NR issue, I have felt an irritation in my eyes while walking along the corridors of this school. It is to my consternation that I have seen some of the copies of National Reflection crumpled, with pages torn and scattered all over the campus. My eyes swelled and seemed to develop into full blown sore eyes in which I need to wear dark glasses just to conceal them.

Don’t you know that these are the money which your parents have labored? To stretch the point, whenever an issue of the publication is released, it seems that we are running the gauntlet of some censorious readers who indirectly try to confound us. Is the gamut of their criticism contaminated by human prejudice and ignorance? This is our word: “We will never clip our wings”. We have never been known to succumb.

I neither insinuate something nor make an obnoxious comment in defense to our side just to gloss over what seems to be obvious. No excuse, no alibis: it is clear that National Reflection falls short of the expectation of the readers who demand only the best for the school paper’s editorial staff. We regret all the deficiencies (i.e. grammatical errors, delayed issuances und so weiter). While we bear the brunt of disparagement from our denigrators, we will do everything humanly possible to avoid its repetition. We want to give all our best as if this would be our last opportunity to write for the paper. We will exhaust all means, to buckle to at once, just to satisfy you to a certain extent, if not to the fullest.

National Reflection is a school paper produced by the students who strive not only to excel but to express as well. As what F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “You don’t write because you want to say something; you write because you’ve got something to say.” We are here to keep you abreast with current issues and craze within the institution and beyond. On the other hand, we would like to disabuse your mind of the notion that only the staffers of the publication have the sole obligation to fill out the spaces of the paper from cover to cover. National Reflection, as it has repeatedly been said, is the publication of the students, by the students, and for the students. If there’s an article you really want to read but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it and forward it to our editorial office (to think of it, we are writers not mind readers). Rest assured, what you have submitted will all be considered for publication. Gladly, we want to feel your pulse. Write to us your decisive comments, nifty suggestions, and violent reactions (if any). These will be of great help for us and may serve as a catalyst for the improvement of our publication. Gladly, we want to feel your pulse. Write to us your decisive comments, nifty suggestions and violent reactions (if any). These are of great help for us and may serve as a catalyst for the improvement of our publication. It is true that not all submitted articles, deserve publication.

The editorial staff has the last say on whether an article submitted should be published or not in order to preserve the interest of the paper. To further elucidate it, only the materials that meet the paper’s criteria can be published for the particular section and issue. We can imagine the frustration of someone who submits an article but doesn’t see the product of his genius in print. But that’s how the cookie crumbles in National Reflection, and in any other school papers, for that matter. Nevertheless, we will all do any possible means to publish all these materials as far as space permits. Hope this would cheer you up.

Finally, word of advice to those who are hesitant to contribute their written thoughts; fearing that they might just be thrown away in the garbage bin because of errors particularly in grammar, the fact is everyone does. Even I and the rest of the NR-Staffers are no exemption. Do not be afraid to commit mistakes – this is where you truly learn. Your ideas are far more important than the idiosyncrasies of the English language. We look forward to seeing your name in our coming issues.

Natatakot Ako

2008-07-15T22:39:00.000-07:00

Takot ako sa ipis pero higit diyan meron pa akong ibang kinatatakutan. Hindi yung scary kong Prof. sa isang subj ko, hindi rin yung babaeng nagpaiyak sakin (iyakan daw ba yung babae, siyempre nanay ko yun). Takot ako sa kinabukasan. Takot akong makita ang hinaharap natin, tayo bilang mga Pilipino (naks makabayan..). Napakagulo ng lipunan natin: pulitika, seguridad, pananalapi at halos lahat ng aspeto ng lipunan. Takot akong tumanda at magkapamilya nang hindi si...ang asawa ko, oops mali! Ibig kong sabihin, takot akong tumanda at magkapamilya sa napakagulo at walang kasiguraduhang lugar na 'to na kung tawagin ay Pilipinas.

Sayang, kung isasabuhay lang sana ng mga pulitiko yung sinumpaan nilang tungkuling bilang tagapaglingkod ng bayan, wala sanang mga bangayan na nangyayari, wala sanang mga raliyista na sumisigaw sa kalye, wala sanang mga black propaganda na lumalabas,wala sanang katiwalian, tahimik, payapa, maunlad at masaya sana ang lahat.

Sayang, kung gagampanan lang sana ng lahat ng mga sundalo at pulis ang tungkulin nilang pangalagaan ang seguridad at ipatupad ang batas, wala sanang mga “kotong cops” sa lansangan, wala sanang elemento ng kapulisan at militar ang masasangkot sa mga illegal na gawain, wala sanang mga abusadong pulis o militar ang gagamit ng impluwensiya at kapangyarihan para sa pansarili nilang interes, tahimik, payapa, maunlad at masaya sana ang lahat.

Sayang, kung iisipin lang sana ng mga terorista ang kapakanan ng kapwa nila (bukod sa hindi na sila magiging terorista), wala na sanang mga ari-arian ang mawawasak dahil sa mga pagsabog, wala na sanang mga inosenteng buhay ang makikitil, wala na sanang mga ama ang mahihiwalay sa kanilang mga pamilya dahil sa pangangailangan na sumugod sa giyera na maari nilang ikamatay, tahimik, payapa, maunlad at masaya sana ang lahat.

Sayang, kung iisipin lang din sana ng mga kriminal ang kapakanan ng kapwa nila, wala sanang mga utak ang matutuyo ng dahil sa droga, wala sanang mga bata na maabuso, wala sanang mga babae ang mananakawan ng dangal, wala sanang mapapatay nang walang dahilan, wala sanang... teka... HOY! CELLPHONE KO YAN! BUMALIK KA DITO! Haaay...tahimik, payapa, maunlad at masaya sana ang lahat.

Sayang, kung magagawa lang sana nating disiplinahin ang mga sarili natin bilang mamamayan (kung hindi tayo pulitiko, militar, pulis, terorista o kriminal), wala sanang naninigarilyo kung saan-saan, wala sanang basura na matatambak sa kalye, wala sanang lumalabag sa batas trapiko, wala sanang mga tao na isinisisi ang mapait nilang kapalaran sa iba, lahat sana nagsisikap, lahat nagtutulungan, tahimik, payapa, maunlad at masaya sana ang lahat.
Galos lang ang sitwasyon natin kumpara sa sugat na iniinda ng mundo, sugat na dulot ng gulong pulitikal, kahirapan, terorismo at pagkakawatak-watak, sugat na tanging pagbabago lang ang makakagamot. Pagbabago sa dapat sana ay magmumula sa ating lahat, ano man ang lahi o kalagayan sa buhay.
Malala na ang sugat pero may pag-asa pang magamot, maniwala ka sakin, may pag-asa pa.

Kung naniniwala ka sa mga pinagsasasabi ko, sana... sana lang, magawa mong ikalat ang mensahe nito.

The man in the mirror

2008-07-05T22:35:00.001-07:00

Perhaps you have looked at yourself in the mirror and wished that you were someone else? A famous actor, actress, a singer or a sports hero perhaps? You probably wished that you could change at least one physical feature: your nose, complexion, height, weight or anything.

While some might be won over by “who, me?” humility, self-critical comments like these reveal a disturbing truth that they’re much more likely to put these people on the back. Many believe that their hard work speaks for themselves – that if it isn’t recognized, there’s nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes you have to experience rejections before you’ll succeed. And that’s part of life!

The more you insist, “I’m not worthy,” the more people will believe you – and the more you’ll make others guilty into keeping their triumphs to themselves. Remember, it’s our responsibility to flaunt our greatness. Self-depreciation doesn’t serve anyone – except those who want to keep you down. Celebrate successes with friends who respect and like you unconditionally and you’ll soon be less intimidated about sharing your gifts with the world.

If you’re afraid of seeing arrogance, relax. And if anyone looks at you mockingly for refusing to be demure about your feats, remember: You’re a 21st century role model.

Go ahead! Risk being as big, bold, successful and confident as you can be! If you’ll just keep playing it small, small is all you’re going to get.

Fear, not Love

2008-07-05T22:35:00.000-07:00

In spite of all the pain and dissatisfaction, loving too much is such a common experience for many women that we almost believe it is the way relationships are supposed to be. Most of us have loved too much at least once, and to many of us, it has been a recurrent theme in our lives. Some of us have become obsessed with our partner and our relationship that we are barely able to function.

If ever you have found yourself obsessed with the one you love, you may have suspected that the root of that obsession is not “love” but “fear”. Those who love obsessively are full of fears: fear of being alone, unlovable, unworthy, of being ignored, abandoned or destroyed.

We take care of our fears. And because our strategy doesn’t work, we try and we love even harder. We love too much.

All who love too much need advice and furthermore, a self-recovery. It will not only help them become more aware of the reality of their condition, but will encourage them to begin to change it as well. The choice is theirs. If they choose to begin the process of recovery, they will change from a person who loves someone else so much.

Weaker sex yet the stronger gender

2008-07-03T22:31:00.000-07:00

Woman. A family’s guiding light. A child’s first ABC and 123 educator. An epitome of a tending shepherd. A stronghold of swirling emotions. Yet, above all, the weaker sex.

Women have long been subliminal regarding their totality as a person. In the early times, they have never been given utmost importance. All that was left for them was to carry the world’s population.

Women before never had a chance to emerge and prove their worth. A common stereotype for them was an underdog, an answering machine, a loyal fanatic, a damsel in distress. The past society did not regard them the way they did men. They were ignored even if they carried great wisdom and ideology. So long have they suffered the pangs of social hierarchy.

But times change. After a very long period, women were slowly given chances. They were given the right to vote, the right to be educated, the right to lead, and most importantly, the right to be themselves. With the chances they were given with, women have created a world with a sense of fairness and equality. They learned how to use their rights, and protect them as well in the process.

Women have instilled in all of us that every woman should never be underestimated. They no longer play the roles of extras in today’s society. They can now do whatever a man can do, in any given time, maybe even more. She can still believe in the famous maxim “Behind every man’s success is a woman”, more so, women are now equal with and even surpass men.

Women are still a family’s guiding light, and a breadwinner at the same time. A child’s first ABC and 123 educator, even a mentor to all. These and all, women may be the weaker sex, but they have surfaced to be the stronger gender.

Edukasyon

2008-07-01T22:26:00.000-07:00

Ang edukasyon daw ay para sa lahat
Mayaman ka man o mahirap
May baon man o sadyang sa bulsa’y walang makapkap
Ang mahalaga ay nag-aaral ka’t nagsisikap.

Ngunit bakit ngayon, ang mundo ay mapagkait
Tingin ng mga tao, sadyang mapang-api at pilit iniipit
Kung mayaman ka, swerte mo na
Samantalang ang dukha ay lubhang kawawa.

Iniisip tuloy nila na sila’y kakaiba
Hindi kasali, hindi kabahagi ng balana
Pagiging mahirap nagiging sagabal
Sa pag-abot ng mga pangarap na hindi na mabubungkal.

Ang mga tao nga naman sa panahon ngayon
Sa mga material na bagay na lamang umaayon
‘Yan na ba ang panukat sa pagkatao ng nilalang
Ang husgahan ang katayuan niya sa lipunan?

Nilalang tayo ng Diyos na pantay-pantay
Walang nakatataas, sa isa’t isa’y pwedeng sumabay
Kaya’t walang karapatan ang ninuman
Na hamakin ang kapwa dahil sa kahirapan.

Huwag nating isipin na tayo ay malas
Sapagkat tayo’y may hawak ding alas
Alas na siyang magsisilbing inspirasyon
Sa pagkamit ng tagumpay na ating nilalayon.

Ang edukasyon ay isang kayamanan
Yamang maibabahagi sa mga kabataan
Nag-iisang yamang hindi maiwawaglit
At ‘di mananakaw sa’yo kahit isang saglit.

Alaala

2008-06-29T22:25:00.000-07:00

Nakalulungkot isipin
Na hindi na tayo nagpapansinan
Di ba’t tila kailan lang
Kaysaya ng bawat sandali
Na ating pinagsamahan

Ngunit masarap paring isipin
Na minsan ay ikaw
Aking naging kaibigan
Na maaari kong sabihan
Ng aking mga nararamdaman.

Ngayon ang mga masasayang sandali
Maglalaho nalang ng kay dali
Mga bagay na ating pinagsaluhan
Problemang ating pinagtulungan
Ngayo’y matamis na alaala na lamang..

Criticisms

2008-06-25T22:24:00.000-07:00

If an impulse comes to say
Some unthinkable word today
That may drive a friend away
Don’t say it!

If you’ve heard a word of blame
Cast upon your neighbor’s name
That may injure his fair fame
Don’t tell it!

If malicious gossips tongue
Some vile slender may have flung
On, the head of old or young
Don’t repeat it!

Thoughtful, kind helpful speech
‘Tis a gist promised to each –
This, the lesson we would teach;
don’t abuse it!

Poignant

2008-06-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

It was till the cold morning
When I realized that I was crying
Just going with the cold breeze of air
And thinking that sometimes life is so unfair

There is a wrong notion
The evil kaput is in motion
Pretending that everything is good
Covering her image with a hood

Suddenly I’ve come to realize
That those things should be finalized
Fighting is not always wrong
Especially when you know where you must belong.

Remorse

2008-06-22T22:22:00.000-07:00

I am living in a world
Of plastic smiles and recorded laughter
Where a teardrop turns purple
As it escapes the eye
Where no one is true
To the world he keeps
Damned to be unknowing
Of the evils of the earth he walketh
I am cursed to be a slave
Of my own pretentious guilt
To hide this cowardice
Before all of my unsaid fears
I am ashamed of myself
Of the avarice surrounding me
Of the melancholy of love
That flows with blood from my soul
My heart is heavy with burden
From the hunger of my core
To the vileness of my being
Bitterness grips me from inside
For there is no foothold to support me
My soul cries out for emptiness
To what is left, within, without

Fragile

2008-06-21T22:22:00.000-07:00

Corrupted between nowhere and paradise
Taken, stolen from a golden, hidden womb
Alone, alienated from wounding eyes
Abducted from a solemn, welcome tomb

An existence forced upon to live by
A being, cursed by its own soul to guilt
The bitter fruit of concealed tears, a sigh
An immaculate heart drenched in filth

Walking with no definite destination
Shooting the moon with no focus or aim
Searching for a slight sign of retribution
And falling off a cliff is just the same

Floating in mid-air, I am nearly dying
I took out her heart and watched it stop beating…

Angel on My Doorstep

2008-06-20T22:21:00.000-07:00

There was an angel on my doorstep
And now I’ve let her in
Some things, quite changing
As I listen through the din

There is an angel on my doorstep
Waiting with a smile
And kind hand, touch to offer
To go an extra mile

The angel on my doorstep
Outstretched; a helping hand
To help me when I’ve fallen,
And care for me when I’m sad.

My angel; guide and special friend,
Ever closer will I grow
As the chatter in the background
Gets quieter and begins to go.

My angel, all I ask of you
Is help for my own journey.
As I learn much about myself
On my voyage to discovery.

Simply She

2008-06-19T22:20:00.000-07:00

There I was, upended alone
Gazing at one place
Suddenly someone approach me
An angel in a cloak.

She lead me in a haven
She suddenly smiled,
She proliferated her wings,
Afterwards abruptly vanished.

I was drifting, I was bemused
And I keep on questioning Him
I keep on discerning
I am rootless

The time makes its mark
I catch a glimpse of her
Precipitously we grow together
In just a diminutive while

Whenever I’m with her
I deem to be out of loneliness
I am so pleased, contented
Later absence my realm stops turning

But besides that, I thank God
Coz I’m more than happy enough
Having her in my life
Someone to be with and to love.

Cyber Invasion

2008-06-18T22:19:00.000-07:00

Impersonal personalities
Asphyxiated in sophistication
Of gruesomeness of cybernetics
And like locusts they besiege us
Minds having been invaded to
Reducible physical conceptions

Thus consciousness comes to be the
Physical phenomena of physical man
The cause and course of mutation
Whereof we have no place
In our world; ill-fated and
Outwitted by imitation of nature

Besides being enemies of
Scientific-technical rationality
Quite unfortunately
For the product of man’s intelligence
Has become the pestilence of humanity
And this, do we not see?

Could the deference be,
Of existence to effect extinction?
For the geometric trepidation and
Geographical disaster upon man
Is terrifically an apocalypse
And this, are we blind to see?

See trees stand aghast
As men are felled like woods
The fallen shall be buried
Who, or shall not machines
Bury them when last badge of
Men begin to die?

Men have tagged men good for nothing
As we are ousted from sustenance by our own hands.
We have enthroned the products of our hands and
We have worshipped them with our blood and lives.
We should be masters to science and technology
Instead of servants as naïve as can be.

Normal or Different

2008-06-17T22:18:00.000-07:00

Look around,
At life all around,
People complaining,
People following,

Doing what they will,
People acting without thinking,
Quickly sinking into a world
A world of the unknown

To live in a world,
Where people depend on others,
For their ideas,
Of not only what they wear,

But who they are,
This is a truly a scar,
On the face of truth,
And of freedom.

Some people are mindless,
Letting others choose for them,
What they think of this or that,
They get so sucked in,

There’s no coming back.
I have thoughts others don’t see,
I have emotions others don’t feel,
I see the sky and become enamored,

While others see it and are indifferent,
Humanity is fighting against itself,
We strive to be normal,
When normal is different.

So look around,
Where do you fall,
Are you in the normal,
Or in the different?

Investigator

2008-06-16T22:17:00.000-07:00

Look around….take a walk go to public places you’ll see some statements that make us go nuts….

Or listen to your “trying hard” friend maybe… as you hear those sweet words coming from her mouth… out of the blue… Enk! “wrong gramming” ka Ate!

SABLAY-HIRIT
Let’s give them a big hand of applause.
It’s a no-win-win situation.
The sky’s the langit.
So far, so good, so far.
Time is of the elements.
What are friends are for?
Mute and academic.
Now and there.
Turn right to your left.
I couldn’t care a damn.
Come let’s join us.
Wrong mistake.
My answers have been prayered.
Enclosed herewith is the proposed research timetable.
Burn the bridge when you get there.
I would like to be a future teacher someday.
Been there, been that.
Keep silent.
I’m only human nature.
Where’d you came from?
For all intense and purposes.
Take things first at a time.
You’re barking at the wrong dog.
It’s as brand as new.
What’s your next class before this?
My two pairs of long-legged legs.
She is out of town, would you like to wait?
It’s not your problem anymore, it’s my problem anymore.
Hello? (on the phone) for a while, please hang yourself.
Don’t judge me I’m not a book.
Can you repeat it again for the second time around once more from the top?
Let’s sing the duet together.
Moral lesson
ATM machine
What did you did?
Is that is you?
I tolded you.
Slong sleeves
Check up the ATM.
Let’s say, like for example…
All of you are all are winners.

Pinakamatalik Kong Kaibigan

2008-06-14T22:37:00.000-07:00

Alas-diyes na ng umaga. Madilim ang ulap, tila babagsak ang ulan. Nagmamaneho ako nang bigla kang tumawag sa cellphone ko.
"Pare, nasa'n ka na, ikaw na lang ang hinihintay," pinagmamadali mo ako sa pagmamaneho ko.

Lubhang kay bilis nga ng panahon. Dati ay napakamahiyain mong tao. Hindi ka nga makaporma sa crush mo noon e, kaya nagpapagawa ka sa akin ng sulat. Lagi kang nagtatanong ng tamang panliligaw. Akala mo kasi ay eksperto na ako sa ganyang bagay, dahil mabilis kong napasagot ang syota ko noon. "Sige," sabi ko, "Seatmate ko naman siya e, ilalakad kita." At naging kayo nga. Tuwing ihahatid mo siya sa kanila, gusto mo ay kasama ako, para may kasabay ka naman pag-uwi mo.

"Sandali na lang, medyo traffic dito e," pinaghandaan ko ang araw na ito, pero hindi ko alam kung bakit late pa rin ako. Hindi ko lang siguro maiwasang gunitain ang ating pagiging magkabarkada, ang ating pagiging matalik na magkaibigan.

Nagsimula iyon nang sumali tayo sa training ng CAT, magkabarkada na tayo noon, pero hindi tayo malapit sa isa't isa. Naalaala ko 'yung mga panahong sabay tayong umuuwi sa bahay na puno ng putik ang damit, pati na rin ang pagsabit natin sa dyip dahil sa hiya natin sa mga kasabay natin.

Naaalala mo pa ba nang piringan ang ating mga mata? Pinalo ka ng kung anong bagay sa binti mo, hawak ko ang kamay mo noon, hindi kita binitiwan, kahit nasasaktan ka sa mga latay ng kahoy sa binti mo. Nalagpasan natin ang mga pagsubok. Nakuha ko ang mataas na posisyon, ngunit kahit na mababa ang naging ranggo mo, hindi ka nagreklamo. Naging masaya ka para sa atin.

Iyan ang naging simula. Hindi na ako sumabay sa service ko tuwing uwian dahil lagi na tayong sabay umuwi. Kahit nakasabit sa dyip, ayos lang. Dahil alam ko, mas masaya pag magkasabay tayo. Nagsasabihan tayo ng mga problema - sa relasyon, sa pamilya, sa pag-aaral. Ikaw ang naging hingahan ko sa problema ko sa aking ama.

Lagi tayong dumadaan sa Mini Stop, o kaya ay Dunkin Donuts para lang bumili ng pagkain, at magkwentuhan. Kahit na ginagabi ako ng uwi dahil sa practice ng choir, hinihintay mo ako. Sa gabi ay itinatakas ko ang sasakyan namin, naglilibot tayo sa buong bayan para maturuan mo ako sa pagmamaneho. Masaya tayo sa ating pagkakaibigan, kahit na may iba pa tayong mga kabarkada at kahit hindi ka namin ka-section.

Pero minsan mo na rin akong iniwanan. Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla ka na lang hindi sumabay sa amin sa pagkain, pati na rin sa pag-uwi. Kinumpronta kita, sinabi mo sa akin na gusto mo namang sumama sa mga kaklase mo dahil nagtatampo sila sa iyo. Hindi ko alam kung bakit mo sinabi yun, hanggang ngayon ay palaisipan sa akin ang tunay mong dahilan. Kung hindi pa ako gumawa ng paraan, hindi ka na siguro sasama pang muli sa barkada.

Dumating ang graduation natin, alam ko na masaya ka para sa akin, dahil sa mga parangal na tinanggap ko sa entablado. Natatandaan ko pa nga ang sulat mo sa akin. Naiyak ako nang basahin ko iyon. Lubos kang nagpasalamat sa mga masasaya nating lakad: pagkain sa Jollibee, pag-stroll tuwing itatakas ko ang sasakyan namin, pag-lalaro ng mga computer games, pagbibilyar, pati ang tulungan sa panliligaw at pagpapa-cute, nandoon na. Nakita ko rin ang tuwa nang malaman mo na pumasa ako sa unibersidad na pinagsulitan ko. Pero nakita ko rin ang lungkot sa iyo.

"Sana engineering na lang ang kunin mo," sabi mo.

"Gusto ko kasing maging guro," wika ko naman.

Pagdating ng kolehiyo ay nagkahiwalay na tayo. Sa pinakaprestihiyosong pamantasan ako nakipagsapalaran, ikaw naman ay sa iba. Kahit naman ganoon ay nagkakausap pa rin naman tayo. Pero madalang na. Lubha akong nanibago. Kaya rin siguro hindi ako lubhang nagtagumpay sa unang semester. Natatandaan mo ba nang pumunta ako sa iyo at umiyak dahil bumagsak ako sa NSCO2b?

Dumating ako sa simbahan. Hanggang tainga ang ngiti mo nang makita mo ako. Pumila ako sa entourage, at saka naglakad sa gitna. Magkatabi tayo sa altar habang hinihintay mo ang mapapangasawa mo. Hindi siya ang niligawan mo noong high school pa lang tayo. Siya ay naging kamag-aral mo sa kolehiyo.

Naging magkagrupo kayo sa isang club na sinalihan mo. Mula sa panliligaw hanggang sa pagsagot niya ay ikinuwento mo sa akin. "Pare grabe, ganoon pala iyon! Nanginginig nga ang tuhod ko," sabi mo. Nakakatawa ka ngang magkwento e, para kang engot! Inaya mo na rin ako sa bahay nila, ipinakilala mo ako sa kanya, "Best friend ko," sabi mo.

Nagulat ako nang minsang mag-text ka. "Pre, nsan k?," "ppsok ako s skul, bkit?," "me prblema ako, mbgat," Pagkabasa ko noon ay kinutuban ako, pero biniro pa kita. "huhulaan ko, bntis sya ano?"

Hindi ako nagkamali. Naguluhan ka dahil hindi pa kayo tapos ng pag-aaral. Ako nga ang una mong tinext nang ipanganak siya.

"Pre, lalake, kmukha ko!," Tinanong mo pa ako ng magandang pangalan. Pinintasan ko ang gusto mong pangalan, pero ikaw pa rin ang nasunod.

At ngayon nga, ikakasal na kayo. Naayos din ang lahat. Pinasalamatan mo ako dahil sa mga pagtulong ko sa iyo tuwing nagigipit ka. Wala naman sa akin iyon, dahil pati ako ay natutulungan mo. Masaya ka nang araw na iyon, masaya na rin ako para sa iyo. Ngunit may malungkot na bahagi ng puso ko.

Marami tayong mga lihim na pinagsaluhan. Pati nga kulay ng brief natin alam na natin dahil sa pagiging malapit natin. Kabisado na kita, pero ako ang hindi nagsasabi sa iyo. Pero siguro nga ay tama lang ang ginawa ko. Para na rin sa pagkakaibigan natin, at ayaw ko ring mag-iba ang tingin mo sa akin. Alam ko kung gaano mo ako hinangaan. Ayokong magbago iyon. Hinangaan din naman kita e, ngunit sa ibang paraan. Pilit kong itinago ang damdamin ko, dahil alam ko na mali ito.

Gayunman, masaya pa rin ako para sa iyo. Alam ko na kahit paano, ako pa rin ang best friend mo. Ako ang pinagsabihan mo ng mga importanteng bagay na nangyayari sa iyo. Lagi mo akong isinasama sa mga magagandang pangyayaring nagaganap sa buhay mo. Alam kong matagal ka na ring nagtatanong sa akin at nagtataka kung bakit matapos kong mapasagot ang girlfriend ko at maghiwalay kami ay wala nang sumunod sa kanya. Akala mo ay mapili ako.

Mas mabuti na nga sigurong ganoon ang paniniwala mo. Isa kang malaking bahagi ng buhay ko, at alam ko, na isa ka sa mga dahilan kung bakit ako naging ganito. Huwag kang mag-alala, kapag tunay ko na ngang nahanap ang sarili ko, makakalimutan ko rin ang nararamdaman ko. At ikaw ang unang makakaalam ng pagbabago sa buhay ko, dahil ikaw pa rin ang pinakamatalik kong kaibigan.

It will be better that way…

2008-06-14T22:27:00.000-07:00

The moment you read this, I will be a thousand miles away from you. I know you wouldn’t even care and I’m not really sure what would happen to me out of that. Look, I have no intensions of pestering you as you say you have a busy schedule. There’s just something I wish to convey before I finally let go of this feeling, move on, and live my life.

I don’t really give out letters like this to those people I fancy, it always seems so easy for me to talk to them and give them a piece of my mind. I just couldn’t figure out why I find it so difficult to have a word with you regarding this matter. I know I started this whole insane thing at the wrong foot.

What I thought at first was just a big joke turned out to be something that devoured me. I didn’t have any idea that it was going to eat me whole. Had I known, I shouldn’t have indulged myself unto it. I thought I was in control, something I’m used to all the time. And when I noticed that I wasn’t and that I’m slowly slipping away from my typical controlled self, it scared the hell out of me. YOU scared the hell out of me.

So I went back to my usual routine: going out, meeting new people, and trying to enjoy their company - to keep my mind off you. But I should have known better. It is useless, utterly futile…all in vain.

I often wonder what it is with you that make me feel this. You make me feel all those stupid mixed emotions all at the same time. And it is then that I figured out that I am in deep shit. I have my pride. I have been trying to conceal it to everyone, to you, and even to myself. I know what our friends are like. They’ll surely make a big laugh out of me. I can already see them with their eyes wide open as if I have just said the most absurd thing. See, it has always been a conscious effort to be cool whenever you’re around, to act as if nothing happened, to be left unnoticed. It wasn’t easy, I swear.

But I’m only human. I also get tired. I’m tired of pretending that I don’t care at all. Tired of using that nonchalant façade every time I hear them talking about you, or hear them talk about something that reminds me of you.

What we had was not something substantial, I must admit. I don’t even know what your last name is, which school you come from, or even your favorite color. But I know that for the short span of time that I have known you, it‘s pure bliss. And for that, I want to thank you for the incredible memories that would forever be etched within, memories that would bring out the best smile in me as I reminisce. Please don’t get me wrong here. I don’t intend to attract attention from you. I don’t even expect anything from you after having this. I just feel the need to do this, for myself, for no other reason but to put you all behind me.

I loved you, this I'm certain.

So, thank you for taking the time to read this…if you really did. I have just unloaded something that has eaten most of my time lately. Somehow, I feel a lot okay now. I’m looking forward to seeing you again. And when that time comes, I will be ready to befriend you… without pretensions.

It will be better that way.

Only High School All Over Again

2008-06-09T21:10:00.000-07:00

I have this dream from childhood that incessantly rewound and repeated until I turned fifteen. Some nights and afternoons, I wake up to my siblings’ worried frowns, their faces crowding, asking me what was wrong as I would be sweating and dazed, to this:

A couch, I am sitting down and it is facing an elevator to which I promptly walk in. Its doors close but stop short of a narrow slit. I am stuck inside. Figures of people composed of soft, muted-colored clay peer at me from the outside, their eyes big and seemingly puzzled, when at the back of my mind I know this to be taunting, eyes fraught with accusation – something about failure, something about not letting go. Sometimes, I am staring right back at them, my face only inches away. (This especially freaks me out because the figures crowd the slight opening with their clay faces, their eyes unblinking that we stare...and stare...and stare.) Always, I am stuck and there is nothing I can do.

Tell me that’s not strangely horrifying. Yet when somebody pointed out a similar dream, or said, “I dream of closing doors too small for their frames”, my perspective immediately changed, transformed. Without the quality of uniqueness, that only I dream of this in all the world, my own dream has been rendered powerless. It would never bother me again like it did before; I would only bookmark it to break the ice with a stranger, or tell it the easily spooked. That is not to say my dream now suddenly means nothing.

I’m saying that my dream has been upstaged. Demystified.

I think every other dream, fantastical or real-life adaptation, will be subject to this. I think, more ever so hopefully, every person I meet will be subject to this.

You see, I’m waiting for someone to mess up.

More accurately, I am waiting for someone to undergo this particular metamorphosis. I’m not actually wishing and damning this person to oblivion and all manners of hell. I won't be doing anything! I’m just waiting until I note a flaw, able to harbor one small misgiving on my part, realize that this girl is really not all she’s cracked up to be. That there is more to her than what I’ve come to expect and not all of it has to be good. Shouldn’t things be this way, anyway? Not a lot of people know how much power they have over others. The ones who do know run the world.

It’s like high school all over again. Some people are just able to disturb you, confound you, and make you love them despite and/or for it. You are under their spell so much that you want to act and think the way you think they would want you to, because surely, their kind of cool is the best kind of cool, and well, you’re a twat. Surely when she snatches the words right out of your mouth just like you would hers, it means something. When she says what you were only wanting to say, when she picks up your cues in comedic timing, when you and her are a medley of jumbled ideas that sound wonderfully avant-garde and existential, it means you have lesbian tendencies – I mean – it must mean something.

Psychologists write about the importance of first impressions and how the subsequent actions only serve to reinforce what's incurred the first time. I write: kindred spirits, magic.

And so I fall. But I’ve been in this route before. One familiar to even the best of us, I won’t even try to state the obvious. (All these paragraphs are stating the obvious and so is this parenthetical sentence. God.) I believe I won't fall too hard. The first step to recovery is owning up to your addiction slash infatuation, etc, etc, and I am well on my way.

But if she did do something absolutely stupid, it would be devastating. I wouldn't want her to thoroughly disappoint me. It’s hard to find people I can truly like these days.

I wonder if I have ever disappointed her. But then I was never short of special. I am exactingly perfect.

This is their glory and reward

2008-06-07T01:07:00.000-07:00

If one will measure the quality of education based on the result of the tests given to students, one is tempted to say that good teachers have become endangered species. Poorly trained and incompetent teachers produced illiterates and substandard students. Such general sweeping indictment plus the relentless criticism hurled by the media, nation leaders and even parents demoralizes the majority of the teachers whose idealism and love of teaching are the only reason why they stick to a profession that burned them out.

Demeaning caricatures portraying the teachers as peddler, idle and inept are unjustified because if there is a person who is genuinely interested in addressing the problem confronting education, it is the teacher herself because it is she who is most affected. In the educational hierarchy, classroom teachers are at the bottom line. Policy-makers never bother to consult the teachers regarding educational policies. Mentors have no say, no educational decisions concerning curriculum, criteria for promotion, and size of class. Nobody seems to be interested to know what teachers' opinions are. Yet they bear the brunt of implementing decisions made for them. Likewise, teachers usually shoulder the blame for whatever negative consequences the educational policies produce. It is true that mentors have gotten the chance to express their views through rallies and protests, and people through the media, are beginning to become aware of the teachers plight. Despite the rising cost of living, the pay structure of teachers has not been elevated to a respectable level. Now the public knows what they think and why they quit teaching.

No amount of scientifically tested strategy can improve the system unless the following drastic and revolutionary measures are adopted in an honest-to-goodness basis: a. Reduce the teacher-student ratio from 60 and above to 40 and below b. Provide each student with one book for each subject and enough reference materials for the whole class c. Reduce drastically the reports that teachers are required to accomplish particularly in the computation of test results due to other variables teachers are subjected to. Because of the too many reports the teachers are required to submit, performance level leaves much to be desired since many unnecessary things are done except to teach. d. Reduce the number of extra-curricular activities that impede the number of hours for actual teaching.

Finally, at the setting of the sun, it is seeing their pupils become intellectually, morally, socially, and vocationally fit to live a democratic society that gives them the greatest happiness which no money can buy. They need no trumpets to herald their deed.

In silence, teachers bask in the fruition of their efforts. This is their glory and reward.

IV-Archimedes 2006-2007

2008-06-03T01:05:00.000-07:00

IV-Archimedes sectiong pinagtsi-tsismisan

Dahil itsurang pang-celebrity nagsama-sama

Lalo na ang mga campus crush

Lahat ng makakita'y siguradong nagba-blush.

Pinili! Pinili ang mga 'yan

Kadalasang maririnig kahit saan

'Di ba nila alam sectiong ito

Sa problema'y napupuno?

Nariyan ang suspendidio isang lingo

Kasalanan ng isa, damay lahat

Pero alam n'yo ba

Kung nasaan ang isa doon lahat?

Dahil sa sectiong ito magkakapatid kaming lahat

Isang guro sa ami'y namamagitan

Tagapayong 'di malilimutan

Mr. Richard Hipolito kanyang pangalan.

A Best Friend

2008-06-01T01:03:00.000-07:00

There was a time in my life when I felt deeply troubled and grieving over my problem. Then somebody came along and said "Come on, cheer up! It's not the end of the world!" with that, I smiled at him bitterly. He could probably say such because he does not know what I am going through.

I feel so desolate. It seems that nobody understands me and I feel like problems come crushing upon me. I was all alone and even my best friend was not around to give me comfort. Then I remembered that I still have a friend who is greater than my best friend. That friend is CHRIST JESUS.

See, we sometimes mourn because of the death of a loved one. But have you forgotten that Jesus also grieved over the death of Lazarus and Joseph, his foster father?

If you are worrying too much about your finances, please try not to forget that He had feed 12 apostles while He himself did not have any bed on which to place His head for the night.

If you feel you have been betrayed by a friend, remember that Jesus was also betrayed by one of His disciples and was even been trade by another.

If you feel alone and everything seems to get worst, just hold on to God's promises that He will never leave you nor forsake you. Always remember that God's arm is not too short to reach you nor His ear is too dull to hear your prayers. Jesus, our best friend, is our helper. So why need to worry about life's problem? Why not give them all to Him and for sure, everything will go well.

Indeed, we could not tell Jesus that He does not understand us and that He does not know what we are going through. Remember my dear friends, every ache, every anxiety, every pain and every problem we have to face, Jesus has faced them ahead of us.

Malaya Ka Na, Nationalian!

2008-05-29T01:00:00.001-07:00

Mula sa isang sulok, kita'y aking nilingap;

At tumayo't lumipad ang siyang tanging pangarap,

Aking mga kasama ang lagi mong kaagapay;

Sa bawat pagsubok sa iyong buhay

At itong araw nga ay dumating na

Ako nga ba'y matutuwa o maiiyak?

Gaano kataas man ang iyong paglipad,

Kaalaman at pangaral, sana'y 'wag kaligtaan.

Batid kong pag-asa ay nasa iyong mga kamay,

Mga pangarap na patuloy sa pagkampay

Isang mithiing layunin ng lahat

Sa wakas ngayo'y atin nang nahanap

Ngayon sa iyong pagsulong, tiyak ika'y aahon;

Sige humayo ka at huwag matakot,

Lipad at ipagpatuloy ang pagkampay

Tungo sa ligaya at tagumpay.

Upsurge Nationalians!

2008-05-29T01:00:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is on its way

A new journey begun its way

So all I got do is to say

Upsurge Nationalians, make way!

Vision ahead isn't clear

But you have to face it my dear,

Go ahead! Strive hard have no fear

Because your future is now becoming near.

Struggles in life stood fast

But you have to be strong if you want to last

Upsurge Nationalians, with all your just

Learn to fight, victory is our lust.

Nationalians, don't stop learning in our institution

Explore the world, a world of competition

And if you succeed in your chosen endeavor;

Look back Nationalians; look back in your home.

Life at 16

2008-05-27T03:13:00.002-07:00

There is a stage in our life that is quit difficult .Everything around us seems changing. The period of confusions,challenges and changes and its effect on the emotional aspect of the person, which we experience when we are in the adolescence stage. Being a teen-ager is enjoyable but difficult,here,we meet new faces, encounter difficulties and adjustments especially when we are already at the age of 16. Life in this stage is meerly bidding goodbye to childhood and saying hello to adulthood.

They say that when you reach this age, your half personality possesses a child character and of this stage of confusion creeps in. Teenagers tend to make adjustment to make themselves fit in whatever situation they masy experience or encounter. Being at this stage is quite difficult.

There are more responsibilities to ful fil and many challenges to encounter. One must be a responsible son or daughter of the family and of the school. At this point there are a lot of changes one needs to be able to accomplish be it new or heavy tasks. It has something to do with adjustment for maturity. Challenges at this stage, heavy clouds can cover one's world but if his umbrella of strength has a good foundation, he can surpass it and be able to use it as a stepping stone ton achieve his goals.Peer presure is also a part of challenge where a 16-year-old can encounter which is the oppresive influence of friends. Here, the teen-age should be responsible in choosing true friends.

Of course, if there are difficult parts, there stet also the other side which are the enjoyable part. Teen-agers now meet friends and consider them as part of their lives.They consider as anesthesia that numbs their sadness and pressure.
Bitter-sweet memories are the product of happy experiences and heavy responsibilities that are experience during this period. The period aims for the betterment of the whole character of a person and plays a major part in the life, not only at the age of 16, but also the whole life ahead.

Alms.. Alms.. Alms..

2008-05-27T03:13:00.001-07:00

If you happened to read this article inside the campus, kindly gaze up in the sky where you will find a friend waving in the sky….. Have you?

If yes, lend your ears to him for you to know his grievances. Do you hear him?
I am the shadow of the past that lingers in the echoes of you mind, I have seen different revolutionary battles and have seemed semblance of faces, full of revenge and happy face of democracy. I have experience to lice with a life full of danger together with my soldiers. My wounds are with threads and stitches that signify everyone’s freedom. Freedom that is being misused and abused by you. I have the color that signifies bravery; however it is confound in the end. Its symbolisms of peace was minded and forgotten, I have the rank of love and security but you have refused to accept. I have the rank of a Lieutenant General having three stars with additional sun. I am the representation of your land divided into three, but then you are not contented and you have divide it into pieces, more but USELESS.

Now, do you know who I am?

Yes, I am your solitude friend that you happened to ignore every now and then, the one you are not paying attention to. The one who stays up in the sky even sunrise to sunset through cold wind or rain I’m there. Waiting for you to gaze and see my beauty. I’m waving and flying bur nobody cares.

The one who is always on top but among all of the flying objects, I used to be nothing. I am the national, flag, flying alone and symbolizing the independence of our nation. Mrs. Marcela Agoncillo conceived me with her patience and patriotism, molded by threats and stitches of our heroes. Their blood which have spilled in the will to fly there… to sacrifice.

Now, it is right to look up and to respect me to all the things I’ve done. I have the reason to be respeceted, I am the way of your freedom which have you obviously abused. You may not be called a Filipino without me. I’m begging , please give me your love and respect. Please....

On Angel's Wings

2008-05-27T03:12:00.000-07:00

Kneeling down, I utter my night prayer. Hoping that in the depths of the corners of the four corners of my room she would hear my prayer. Because I know that when night time falls, there would only be the two of us. Even though all this time she wouldn’t speak a single word or even a single movement, and even though all this time she remains unnoticed, I have faith that there would come a time when our eyes would finally meet. How I wish that even in our moment of silence that would seem like eternity for me, she would hear what my heart whispers.

Lying here, I gaze at the dark velvet sky. The moon smiles sweetly down upon me. Reminding me never to lose faith. Reminding me that one day she would come. One day my angel would come, my sweet angel. A day would come that she would warp her wings around me and we would both cease to exist and she would bring me to a place called heaven. Then I’ll be off and gone from this bitter world. She would catch me whenever I stumble. She’d fill me up whenever I’m empty. She’d clean the messes I’ve made. And she’d stay with me even though everything else around us has changed. No ocean could even come between me and my angel. She won’t even let me cry a river like I am now. And my bitter world would be nothing but a paradise.

Looking over the horizon, words keep running thru my empty head. My best bud use to enjoy a good laugh at me whenever we went over this topic. He said I was hysterical. I just keep quiet at times he caught me off guard. He always tells me that I am wasting my time. For him, he was just trying to lift me up while it wasn’t too late yet. He was trying to pull me before my hopes would let me fall into a bottomless pit. He was trying to put the pieces together because he doesn’t want to see me shattered. And whenever I’d try to put up an argument with him, he’d tell me:

“Angels do not come down from heaven, for they do not know how to walk here with us…

They only have wings to fly, but they do not know how to cry…”

With these words I’d stop. What’s with him?! Can’t he just be upbeat about the only thing I care about?! What is he so afraid of? I know he’s just trying to be a pal. But he’s never been thru what I’m going thru now. He doesn’t feel this bliss I feel just with a single thought of her. I couldn’t understand what he was trying to save me from. Not until days, weeks, months, and years passed and still not even a single feather to let me know she was watching from above.

How could she be so cruel? All I ever wanted now seems to be a castle in the sky. How could my angel bruise me? How could she bear seeing me in vain? How could she leave me from these fast phase world? Especially now that things aren’t the way they used to be? Isn’t she aware that everything could change with a blink of an eye? Was my friend right all these time? Now I know what he was trying to save me from.

So I went on living as an apparition. What good am I now? I’ve become the worst thing I could ever imagine. Torn apart and wasted. I had vanished into existence. And it gave me moment to think and look back at the frames of my life. To the time I was so obsessed with finding my angel. In my unexplained dismay and torment I saw you in each of the frames. You were there waiting with me. You were there waiting to be noticed. So now, tears fall ‘coz you’re gone. Nowhere to be found. I’m drowning all the pain inside me. This is what an imprudent person deserves, don’t I?

Angels do come down from heaven. They set foot on the hearts of those who believe. If only they know where to look. Angels may have wings to fly, but their wing could easily be broken and even your mortal tears are not enough to patch them up. That’s the time they have to walk. Barefoot, alone, and unnoticed. Your mere human eyes can’t even see them cry. Yes, they do cry. They silently blubber and hold back all the pain until slowly they would grow feeble and fragile. Then they would go back up to the stars. Back in oblivion.

Just like what happened to you and me. You could have been my angel if only I turned around. I could have been yours if only you called my name. Now it’s too late. We’re both fading. But not to worry, I know we’ll see each other. We’ll meet again. But this time I’ll be with the stars. And you’ll be smiling with the moon.

Third Eye

2008-05-27T03:10:00.000-07:00

Sigurado raw na mararamdaman mo kapag may multong malapit sa iyo. Tatayo ang balahibo sa batok mo... Biglang lalamig ang paligid... Iikot ang tiyan mo... Para kang biglang may kasama. May mararamdaman ka sa paligid mo kahit alam mong ikaw lang mag-isa.

Bata pa lang ako, matatakutin na ako. Takot ako sa dilim, humihina ako kapag mag-isa. Hindi ko rin kayang manood ng mga nakakatakot na palabas sa TV (gaya ng taunang November 1 special ng magandang gabi bayan), o mga pelikula (uso noon ang shake rattle and roll). Ang palagay ko, bakit mo pagdaraanin ang sarili mo sa nakapanlalambot na hilakbot? Mas lalong ayokong makakita, o makaramdam, o makaengkwentro ng multo. Hindi ko yata kakayanin. Baka himatayin ako sa takot. Hindi ko nga maintindihan 'yung mga taong sumasali pa sa mga workshop para buksan ang third eye nila. Bakit di ba? Bakit?! Pero siguro, ako lang talaga 'yun--- kulang sa tapang, liglig ng nerbiyos.

Hindi ko naiwan sa pagkabata ang takot ko sa dilim, at sa multo. Sa paglaki ko, nadagdagan pa nga ang mga takot ko--- tumaba, magka-cancer, bumagsak sa mga klase ko, at marami pang iba. Pero higit sa lahat ng mga ito, ang magmahal at masaktan. Natuklasan ko na hindi gaya ng takot ko sa mga multong ni hindi ko nga alam kung gawa sa hamog, o sa usok, o basta gawa lang ng imahinasyon ko--- mas nakapanghihina, mas nakapanghihilakbot pala ang magmahal at masaktan. Naranasan ko na iyon. Ang magmahal, mawalan, at halos mabaliw sa sakit. Nang mawala ka sa 'kin para akong sira-ulong ayaw maniwala at ayaw tumanggap, parang praning na ipinipilit sa sariling "babalik siya.... babalik siya."

May mga namamatayan ng kapamilya o kaibigan na sa tindi ng pangungulila, hinihiling nila na magmulto ang namayapa na. Hindi na mahalaga kung kahibangan ito--- mabigyan lang ng kahit isa pang pagkakataon na makausap o masilayan man lang ang mahal sa buhay na inagaw na ng kamatayan.

Nang nawala ka, handa akong ibigay ang lahat, ang kahit ano, bumalik ka lang kahit sandali. Kahit sa anong paraan. kahit isang maikling text lang, o e-mail, o friendster message. Maramdaman ko lang na kahit tapos na ang lahat, mahalaga pa rin ako sa iyo. Pero walang dumating. Ni hindi ka man lang nagparamdam. Kahit na parang ritwal ko nang tinatawag ang pangalan mo gabi-gabi, wala. Wala ka na talaga. Naging mas madali nga ang pagtanggap sa pumanaw nating pagkakataon, pero kasabay nito, mas naging mapait naman ang aking pag-aayuno.

Tuloy ang buhay. Kailangan e. Natuto akong magmahal ng iba at unti-unti ring nawala ang lungkot. Naniniwala rin naman akong mayroon akong karapatang maging masaya, at mas gusto kong ngumiti kaysa umiyak. Nariyan naman ang ala-ala mo, nariyan ang pag-ibig na kahit kailan ay hindi ko na maibibigay sa iba bukod sa iyo. Pero sabi nga ng idol kong si Sharon Cuneta, "once you love someone, you never stop loving them. you just love them in newer ways." (mula sa "kung ako na lang sana"). Habang nagmamahal ako ng bagong pag-ibig, patuloy pa rin kitang minamahal. Alam ko iyan. Naroon na rin siguro ang kaalamang dahil patay na nga ang panahon natin sa paningin ni kupido, hindi ko na kailangan buhayin pa ang sakit. Tanggap ko na. Paminsan minsan nga, dinadalaw pa ng diwa ko ang mga nakakalat na lapida ng ating nakaraan. Kapag nakakarating ako sa mga lugar na noo'y nakasama kita, kapag naririnig ko ang mga awit na pinili ko para sa 'ting dalawa--- para na rin akong nagtitirik ng kandila at nag-aalay ng bulaklak sa ala-ala mo.

Hanggang sa nagmulto ka. P*ksh*t.

Ang sabi nila, hindi tumatawid sa kabilang buhay ang mga espiritung may mga hindi pa tapos na misyon sa mundong ito. Pakiramdam nila, may mga transaksyon pa sila sa kanilang buhay na kailangang isara at maisakatuparan. Ang iba nga raw, hindi pa tanggap na patay na sila kaya ayaw pa umalis. palutang-lutang sila, patuloy ang "buhay", ginagawa pa rin ang mga pinagkakaabalahan nila noon. Ang iba naman, sadyang naghahasik ng takot at pangamba. Sadyang gustong makarinig ng mga tili at makakita ng nasindak na mga mukha habang nagsasabog sila ng lagim.

Simpleng text lang, umikot ang mundo ko. Hindi ko alam kung magdiriwang ako o manlulumo. Nakakatuwang nakakatakot e. Sa tagal ng panahon na hinintay kong maramdaman ka, hanggang sa nalimutan ko na nga kung bakit, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang reaksyon ko. Pero, napatunayan ko noon na totoo pala: kapag minulto ka, tatayo ang balahibo sa batok mo, manlalamig ka, iikot ang tiyan mo, at sigurado ka sa presensiya ng multo sa paligid mo.

"Nabuhay" kang muli sa mundo ko. Lagi ka na namang nariyan sa haraya ko. Pa’no, dumalas ka mag-text, tumatawag ka pa, paminsan minsan nagkakape pa tayo’t tumatawa habang nilulunod ang ating mga sarili sa venti mocha frap with mint syrup. Matagal na panahon akong nangulila ako sa iyo, kaya ang saya saya saya ko sa tuwing nariyan ka. Kahit paminsan-minsan. Kahit paunti-unti. Dahil nga mahal naman kita, tinanggap ko ang pagmumulto mo. Sabi ko, wala naman sigurong masama, pakiramdam ko pa nga ang tapang ko. Hinayaan ko nang bukas ang third eye ng puso ko.

Lubos na sana ang magiging kasiyahan ko kung tuluyan ang iyong pagbabalik... pero lagi ka rin namang nawawala. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ginagawa niyong mga multo iyon, parang gustong gusto niyong nagpaparamdam, manggugulat, tapos mawawala naman. Hindi ka naman nagtatagal sa mga dahilang ikaw lang ang nakaaalam. Noong simula hinihintay pa kita lagi, pero nakakapagod rin. Mahirap pala 'yun. Mahirap pala magmahal ng kaluluwa--- hindi kita mahawakan, hindi kita mayakap, hindi kita mahalikan. Malamig na hangin na lang ba talaga ang magiging katumbas ng pag-ibig ko?

Para sa mga taong may kakayahang makakita ng mga espiritu at ibang nilalang, wala raw ibang mas maiging gawin kundi tanggapin ito. Sumpa man o biyaya, hindi na mahalaga. May dahilan lahat ng bagay sa mundo. Baka nga paraan na rin ng Diyos na buksan ang ikatlong mata't ikaanim na pandama ng ilang tao sa mundo... mabigyan man lamang ng pagkakataon ang mga alagad ng kabilang buhay na marinig at maintindihan.

Mahal pa rin kita. Pakiramdam ko, alam mo naman iyon e, kaya ka nga matapang magmulto. Pero magkaiba na tayo ng mundo, marami nang nagbago. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kailangan mong magparamdam gayong wala ka na rin namang kayang gawin na paraan upang tuluyang magbalik, upang muling mabuhay sa mundo ko. Nang-aasar ka lang ba talaga sa pagdalaw mo? Kung hindi, ano ba ang "unfinished business" mo? Ano bang maitutulong ko? Sapat na ba sa iyo ang ganito--- ang mahalin natin ang isa't isa sa magkabilang mundo, sa magkaibang paraan? Iyon lang kasi ang maibibigay ko. At alam ko... hanggang du'n lang rin ang kaya mo.

Patuloy na tatakbo ang buhay ko. At sa tuwing mumultuhin mo ako, ngingiti na lang ako. Oo, tatayo pa rin ang mga balahibo ko sa batok, manlalamig at iikot pa rin ang tiyan ko... Pero hindi na ako matatakot.

Hindi ka totoo.

Cyber Invasion

2008-05-21T18:36:00.001-07:00

Depersonalized personalities
Asphyxiated in sophistication
Of gruesomeness of cybernetics

And like locusts they besiege us
Minds having been invaded to
Reducible physicalists’ conceptions

Thus consciousness comes to be the
Physical phenomena of physical man
The cause and course of mutation
Whereof we have no place
In our world; ill-fated and

Outwitted by imitation of nature
Besides being enemies of
Sciento-technical rationality
Quite unfortunately

For the product of man’s intelligence
Has become the pestilence of humanity

Could the ontological deference be,
Of existence to effect extinction?
For the geometric trepidation and
Geographical disaster upon man
Is terrifically an apocalypse

See trees stand aghast
As men are felled like woods
The fallen shall be buried
By the wounded and yet to be
Who, or shall not machines
Bury them when last badge of
Men begin to die?

Men have tagged men good for nothing
As we are ousted out from sustenance by our own hands.
We have enthroned the products of our hands and
We worship them with our blood and lives.
What is our rationality
When instead of being masters
To science and technology
We are servants to these?

Normal or Different

2008-05-21T18:35:00.000-07:00

Look around,
At life all around,
People complaining,
People following,
Doing what they will,
People acting without thinking,
Quickly sinking into the world.

To live in a world,
Where people depend on others,
For their ideas,
Of not only what they wear,
But who they are,
This is a truly a scar,
On the face of truth,
And of freedom.

Some people are mindless,
Letting other choose for them,
What they think of this or that,
They get so sucked in,
There’s no coming back.

I have thoughts others don’t see,
I have emotions others don’t feel,
I see the sky and become enamored,
While others see it and are indifferent,
Humanity is fighting against itself,
We strive to be normal,
When normal is different.

So look around,
Where do you fall,
Are you in the normal,
Or in the different?

The sky cries..

2008-05-21T18:32:00.000-07:00

The sky sheds tears
Because of the cry of the agonised
Those we threatened with fears
And they never experienced living without tears
Because their means of living had been shared

I could see the ground cracking
Because of the blood we shed on it
Because on it we fight, maim and kill
Because of the innocent souls we buried on it
Whose blood were shed..
Because of our greediness

I could see the earth crumbling
Shaking as if there will be something
Because on it we show hatred
While we painted some people red
We sit at home with fear and threat
And because the helpless are out of our minds
We‘ve never enjoyed peace of mind

I could see the sun sobbing
Weeping noisily for humans’ misdeeds
Because it dried up many innocent bloods
Before it’s been wiped off with help of rain
And we still never mind to ease their pain
Though they‘ve lost their life
And we forgot their spirit is still alive..

Untitled

2008-05-21T18:29:00.000-07:00

Unti-unti, nararamdaman kong ako ay napapailalim sa bitag ng kalungkutan.

Araw-araw, ako ay gumigising nang may pag-asang ang umaga ay magdadala ng kaligtasan para sa akin. Babangon ako mula sa pagkakahiga, at pipilitin ko ang aking sarili na harapin ang bagong umaga. Gagawin ko ang mga normal kong mga responsibilidad na sa totoo lang ay sawang-sawa na kong harapin. Haharap ako sa mga taong tinatawag kong kaibigan at pipilitin kong ngumiti. Matapos ang maghapon, susubukan kong isipin na okay naman ang araw ko. Masaya naman. May kwenta naman. Hindi naman patapon.

Ngunit sa pagsapit ng gabi, mag-isa akong matutulala sa kwarto, mapapaupo sa ibabaw ng kama, at ako ay mangiyak-ngiyak parin sa lumbay. Parati na lamang ganon. Aakalain kong magiging masaya ako, aasa akong hindi ko na mararamdaman ang lubos na kalungkutan, ngunit matatapos ang araw nang ako ay nag-iisa na naman.

Kung tutuusin, hindi naman ganoon kabigat ang aking dinadala sa buhay. Mas marami pang ibang tao na sabihin na nating mas may karapatan na malungkot nang ganito. Sa totoo nga, hindi ko naman talaga alam kung bakit nawawala ang gana ko sa mundo. Parang may isang bola ng mga dahilan na nasa loob ko, na unti-unting kinakain ang nalalabing saya sa aking damdamin at dahan-dahang pinapatay ang aking pagkatao.

Hindi ko na alam kung saan ako tatakbo. Nakakapagod na ang maging sobrang malungkot, ngunit ito talaga ang aking nararamdaman. Naiba na nang todo ang pagtingin ko sa buhay. Nawala ang kagandahan, ang pag-asa, ang pagmamahal.

Unti-unti, nararamdaman kong ako ay napapailalim sa bitag ng kalungkutan.

At ngayon, naghahanap ako ng kaligtasan. Bago mahuli ang lahat.

A Poet I am not

2008-05-21T18:24:00.000-07:00

A poet I am not
A writer unappreciated
Works unworthy of appreciation

A poet I am not
Though words wrapped in metaphorical loveliness
They only evoke feelings of nothingness

A poet I am not
But a promoter of silence
Not only in sounds but also in words

A poet I am not
A soul empty of idea
A soul of heart that is worthless

A poet I am not
And if you find this work inferior, well……

A poet I am not

Daddy Learns a Lesson

2008-05-21T18:21:00.000-07:00

Many years ago, I had a friend who punished his 5-year old daughter because of wasting a sheet of gold wrapping paper. Money was tight, and he became infuriated when the child tried to decorate a box to put under the tree. Nevertheless, the little girl gave the gift to her father the next morning and said, “This is for you, Daddy.” He was embarrassed by his earlier over-reaction, but his anger flamed up again when he opened the box. He yelled at her, “Don’t you know that when you give someone a present there’s supposed to be something inside of it?”

The little girl looked up at him with tears flowing from her eyes and said, “Oh Daddy, it’s not empty. I blew kisses into the box. All for you, Dad.”

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl and begged for her forgiveness.

Since then, the father kept the golden box for years. Whenever he was discouraged, he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of his child who put it there.

A parent may sometimes forget that the child’s unconditional love is the most precious possession he or she can have.

Tableaux

2007-11-28T20:42:00.000-08:00

Thirst is in my mind yet the journey to an oasis is still a long trek. My feet are calloused and my skin is burned with the arid atmosphere. Not even a saguaro or ocotillo is seen in the vicinity and it is high noon up here.

Life is threatened in this scenario in the midst of this search. But my hope to see an oasis at the end site of the desert prolongs my life. For my life in a well-watered area is happiness to the soul.

I had been there thrice or four times. It was really a thirst-quenching place where anybody dares to dwell because of self-fulfilling environment and soothing affect of water. I was supposed to stay there for good, but since the area was only for the pilgrims,I continued seeking for a bigger oasis.

The fist oasis I had had been, was swamp-like. Only few palm trees surrounded the area but camels and wanderers abound. Tents were built beside the well and under the trees. Some stayed there for good but some fluctuated and searched for a bigger accommodation. I replenished myself and reserved as much water my storage can hold. And afterwards, I joined the journey.

The second was a bigger than the former, but the population was also bigger. Like what others did in the first oasis, I stored as much water in my jar, quenched my thirst and joined the journey.

Date palms abound in the third oasis but the water was not tht good to drink. It was salty and dry. I just stocked dates and joined the journey. We were somehow lucky because we had seen springs of water, which were intended for pilgrims.

My life in primary was the firsts oasis in my life. The second was my secondary school life. The third was when i detached myself from a peer group who were not that good to be with. The springs were the knowledge i gained through my guest.

And the journey i am not into is a journey for a stable future . A future-assuming security. A future where nobody will demand me. A journey now, it is not a jouney in the future.